David Sheedy — An Amateur’s Guide to Being, part 2

Hel­lo every­one. He-who-shall-always-be-smug tells me there was enough inter­est in fin­ish­ing the list, that I get anoth­er shot in the spot­light. The first part of the list can be found here. Here are some more, though it is by no means a com­plete list!

  1. Not know­ing is okay. I might even argue that not know­ing is bet­ter than know­ing. I’ve used an enor­mous amount of my ener­gy to sup­port a rep­u­ta­tion as ‘one who knows’. The flip side of that was a fear of being thought of as ‘one who does­n’t know’. I’ve found that in not know­ing I feel less pres­sure to per­form (and thus more free­dom to be authen­tic), AND I learn a LOT more from the peo­ple around me.

  2. I pre­fer being known to being right. This con­nects nice­ly to #6. I think of all the times that I’ve had a dis­cus­sion with my part­ner about who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. There is no pos­i­tive out­come to it. If my inten­tion at the out­set is to be known rather than right then we can reach a place of accord, rather than opposition.

  3. No one ‘gets it’. I’ve had sev­er­al peo­ple assure me that they do; even encour­age me by say­ing that I do. Rub­bish. I’m sure they get it, but what does that have to do with me? Get­ting it is being aware of one’s own truth, and it does­n’t nec­es­sar­i­ly last. Some­one else’s truth is rarely (if ever) aligned with mine. I do amuse myself with some­one say­ing that I’m get­ting it…which trans­lat­ed means ‘you believe the same as me, so you must be on the right track’. And of course, I’m on my own track, not the right one. And even if I DID get it, so what? There’s some­thing else to get tomorrow.

  4. I’m more in rela­tion­ship when con­fused, then when con­fi­dent. Why? Because when I’m con­fused I am curi­ous, open, moti­vat­ed. To get OUT of con­fu­sion I com­mit to learn­ing more, to being inter­est­ed in more than my own reflection(s). Con­fi­dence often comes out as closed with me. I learn less from a sit­u­a­tion or the peo­ple in it. I’ve been told many times in Haven-ish cours­es that the ‘true me’ has sud­den­ly appeared. Invari­ably it hap­pens when I am the most unsure, the most confused.

  5. We are all alone. I think that’s why we are here, at this tiny vir­tu­al train sta­tion that Wayne has cre­at­ed. What do we have in com­mon? We are alone, and inter­est­ed in a con­nec­tion that reduces that alone­ness (as opposed to lone­li­ness). I believe that cours­es like “Come Alive” and ther­a­pists like Wayne serve my pur­pose of cre­at­ing that ten­u­ous thread between my alone­ness and yours. To be in rela­tion­ship is to strength­en that thread and send ener­gy back and forth between the two of us. At least, that’s why I’m here. I’m curi­ous; why are you? 

Some­thing to keep in mind as I go through what occurs; I make no pre­tence to act­ing on these real­iza­tions with any lev­el of con­sis­ten­cy or ele­gance. I think that’s what being an ama­teur might be about.

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