Darbella’s Articles – Memoirs of a Phaser, part 7

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Express your desire and the world will rush in to meet you!

Since returning from the Phase One program at Haven, some of our group has continued the contact in a group check-in through email. There was a sentence in one of the emails that I thought was wonderful. I quoted it many times over the next few days.

My Haven friend is living in a situation that she is not content with and at the same time does not want to give up her home that she has worked so hard to create. She decided that she needed a break and an ideal situation would be to switch homes for a while or simply move out and house sit for someone else for a period of time. This would give time to try something different without completely giving up what she knew.

Here is the quote from her email that I was particularly taken with.

So I took a step in expressing a desire to not live in [her present town] for a while and the world rushed in to meet me. I must admit that I have my moments when I want to say stop, I’m not ready yet. And at the same time I am excited (scared) about making a move. This will hopefully be a very growing time for my daughter and myself.

As I read this statement in her email, I was aware of a warmth spreading throughout my body and a smile spreading across my face that came from the core of my being. I was very touched by her words and extremely pleased that I had the opportunity to connect with her at Haven and learn a little of her life journey.

Knowing the background of the story, I was especially impressed with the courage that it must have taken for her to step forward in this manner. I remembered noting again and again at Haven her courage as she stepped out into the world. I totally resonated with her fear and celebrated with her in her courage.

She will be scared as she moves forward in this move. It is not a matter of finding a place in this world where there is an absence of fear. It is about moving forward in spite of the fear. Fear is an excellent indicator of a possible change in direction in life. I look back and remember so many times being frozen on the edge of the fear. Willing myself to move forward took tremendous effort. I chose to stay in the fear rather than turning away from it, taking what at the time seemed to be the easy way. The easy way usually resulted in feeling numb – this choice was no longer working for me, although it had served me well at times in the past. Each time I pushed through, I emerged in a place of contentment and often of experiencing joy and ecstasy.

There is much to be learned from pushing through our fears and experiencing life to the fullest. Blocking the fear can result in blocking so much more from our lives. I noticed evidence of this same learning in my friend’s life. She too seemed tired of old choices and patterns and was experimenting with new ones.

I was especially impressed with the first part of what she wrote. “So I took a step in expressing a desire…” She took a step. Any step is better than standing still or moving backwards. There is always opportunity to move in a different direction. Choosing to do nothing is still a choice. I celebrate with my friend in her effort to move forward.

The next part to me is the best. She expressed a desire. This is key to change, I think. So often we focus so much on what we don’t want. At the same time as I received this email, we had a friend staying with us for the weekend. She was attempting to figure out what she wanted in her life. She was dissatisfied and wanted change. We went for a walk and had a chat. All I heard was what she was unhappy with. I kept encouraging her to think more in terms of what she did want rather than what she did not want. This is like Wayne’s List of 50 for finding someone to be in relationship with. It works for anything that we want in life.

Taking the time to create a clear picture of what we want is the first step toward achieving it. This is so clearly shown in my friend’s quote, “And the world rushed in the meet me.” She expressed her desire clearly and life worked out for her. She now has an alternative living situation that her daughter is thrilled with. She has time to work on her own house and with clarity of living – she will be in a place of being able to sell her own home or choosing to live there in a space that will be comfortable for her. If she is not in this place at that time, she simply needs to express her desire for what would work for her and again the world will rush in to meet her.

Her message arrived at a perfect time for me. I was able to consolidate some of my learnings. I was able to use the ideas to assist my friend see more clearly what she wanted in life. At the same time I was emailing a friend who was unhappy with her life situation. I wrote her a very direct email to her asking her, “What do you want?” I liked what she wrote back to me.

At Haven, we learned to experiment with new ideas and ways of being. We were encouraged to examine the ways we were choosing to live our life. If our ways of choosing do not work for us at this time in our life, it is time to choose another way of being. This is not a one shot deal where we latch onto one way of being and hold on for a lifetime. Old patterns will always be there and there is always the opportunity for making new and different choices.

Experiment with the idea of what you want rather than focusing on the things that are not working for you. Express your desire and the world will rush in to meet you!

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