Darbella’s Articles — Memoirs of a Phaser, part 7

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Express your desire and the world will rush in to meet you!

Since return­ing from the Phase One pro­gram at Haven, some of our group has con­tin­ued the con­tact in a group check-in through email. There was a sen­tence in one of the emails that I thought was won­der­ful. I quot­ed it many times over the next few days.

My Haven friend is liv­ing in a sit­u­a­tion that she is not con­tent with and at the same time does not want to give up her home that she has worked so hard to cre­ate. She decid­ed that she need­ed a break and an ide­al sit­u­a­tion would be to switch homes for a while or sim­ply move out and house sit for some­one else for a peri­od of time. This would give time to try some­thing dif­fer­ent with­out com­plete­ly giv­ing up what she knew.

Here is the quote from her email that I was par­tic­u­lar­ly tak­en with.

So I took a step in express­ing a desire to not live in [her present town] for a while and the world rushed in to meet me. I must admit that I have my moments when I want to say stop, I’m not ready yet. And at the same time I am excit­ed (scared) about mak­ing a move. This will hope­ful­ly be a very grow­ing time for my daugh­ter and myself.

As I read this state­ment in her email, I was aware of a warmth spread­ing through­out my body and a smile spread­ing across my face that came from the core of my being. I was very touched by her words and extreme­ly pleased that I had the oppor­tu­ni­ty to con­nect with her at Haven and learn a lit­tle of her life journey.

Know­ing the back­ground of the sto­ry, I was espe­cial­ly impressed with the courage that it must have tak­en for her to step for­ward in this man­ner. I remem­bered not­ing again and again at Haven her courage as she stepped out into the world. I total­ly res­onat­ed with her fear and cel­e­brat­ed with her in her courage.

She will be scared as she moves for­ward in this move. It is not a mat­ter of find­ing a place in this world where there is an absence of fear. It is about mov­ing for­ward in spite of the fear. Fear is an excel­lent indi­ca­tor of a pos­si­ble change in direc­tion in life. I look back and remem­ber so many times being frozen on the edge of the fear. Will­ing myself to move for­ward took tremen­dous effort. I chose to stay in the fear rather than turn­ing away from it, tak­ing what at the time seemed to be the easy way. The easy way usu­al­ly result­ed in feel­ing numb — this choice was no longer work­ing for me, although it had served me well at times in the past. Each time I pushed through, I emerged in a place of con­tent­ment and often of expe­ri­enc­ing joy and ecstasy.

There is much to be learned from push­ing through our fears and expe­ri­enc­ing life to the fullest. Block­ing the fear can result in block­ing so much more from our lives. I noticed evi­dence of this same learn­ing in my friend’s life. She too seemed tired of old choic­es and pat­terns and was exper­i­ment­ing with new ones.

I was espe­cial­ly impressed with the first part of what she wrote. “So I took a step in express­ing a desire…” She took a step. Any step is bet­ter than stand­ing still or mov­ing back­wards. There is always oppor­tu­ni­ty to move in a dif­fer­ent direc­tion. Choos­ing to do noth­ing is still a choice. I cel­e­brate with my friend in her effort to move forward.

The next part to me is the best. She expressed a desire. This is key to change, I think. So often we focus so much on what we don’t want. At the same time as I received this email, we had a friend stay­ing with us for the week­end. She was attempt­ing to fig­ure out what she want­ed in her life. She was dis­sat­is­fied and want­ed change. We went for a walk and had a chat. All I heard was what she was unhap­py with. I kept encour­ag­ing her to think more in terms of what she did want rather than what she did not want. This is like Wayne’s List of 50 for find­ing some­one to be in rela­tion­ship with. It works for any­thing that we want in life.

Tak­ing the time to cre­ate a clear pic­ture of what we want is the first step toward achiev­ing it. This is so clear­ly shown in my friend’s quote, “And the world rushed in the meet me.” She expressed her desire clear­ly and life worked out for her. She now has an alter­na­tive liv­ing sit­u­a­tion that her daugh­ter is thrilled with. She has time to work on her own house and with clar­i­ty of liv­ing — she will be in a place of being able to sell her own home or choos­ing to live there in a space that will be com­fort­able for her. If she is not in this place at that time, she sim­ply needs to express her desire for what would work for her and again the world will rush in to meet her.

Her mes­sage arrived at a per­fect time for me. I was able to con­sol­i­date some of my learn­ings. I was able to use the ideas to assist my friend see more clear­ly what she want­ed in life. At the same time I was email­ing a friend who was unhap­py with her life sit­u­a­tion. I wrote her a very direct email to her ask­ing her, “What do you want?” I liked what she wrote back to me.

At Haven, we learned to exper­i­ment with new ideas and ways of being. We were encour­aged to exam­ine the ways we were choos­ing to live our life. If our ways of choos­ing do not work for us at this time in our life, it is time to choose anoth­er way of being. This is not a one shot deal where we latch onto one way of being and hold on for a life­time. Old pat­terns will always be there and there is always the oppor­tu­ni­ty for mak­ing new and dif­fer­ent choices.

Exper­i­ment with the idea of what you want rather than focus­ing on the things that are not work­ing for you. Express your desire and the world will rush in to meet you!

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